


Eddie, the Infatuated Prison Guard

by esmerod



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Bad Puns, Cameos, Criminals in glass prisons, Exhibitionism, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Prison, Prisoner!Merlin, Pubic Hair, Undercover Missions, Voyeurism, and questionable ways to talk about it, guard!Eggsy, implied merhartwin relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 02:18:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9051331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmerod/pseuds/esmerod
Summary: Eddie, the infatuated prison guardAka Eddie the slutty prison guardAka whenever Merlin's away, the cover stories the tech minions come up with sound more like the script from some 70ies softcore porno (without the moustaches though).





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InsaneRedDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneRedDragon/gifts).



> I feel a bit like a pervert, because most of the other stocking stuffers came up with wonderfully fluffy, holiday-themed prompt fills... and mine's just porn.  
> Well, I will have to live with that now^^' 
> 
> Dear insanereddragon, I hope you like it. Happy Holidays, anyway ♥

Out of the four of them, he met Harry Hart first.  
Edwin "Eddie" Unwright, prison guard with security clearance level 3, happened across him in the most unfortunate of moments: a prison riot. Back then he’d thought he was in for it and his last moments on this earth had certainly come with a mob full of angry inmates advancing on him. But then Harry Hart, or inmate XK34298, had swept in and saved him with moves that were so sick Eddie hadn’t been able to do anything but stare. Once it had all been over he’d pressed a high-pitched "Thank you" out, and Hart, quite the gentleman, had answered, "You’re welcome, my boy".

After that Eddie got promoted. Despite his reassurances that none of this had been his doing, his superiors decided that he was obviously fit to deal with high-security prisoners. So he moved from the common area in the west wing to the high-security sector in the north wing. Mind, it was quite the change. While the common area contained the kind of people one expected in a prison and Eddie was used to deal with, the high security block was something else entirely. There were only ten cells in his sector, all of them standing separately with transparent, highly durable Plexiglas walls. Eddie felt a bit like in a movie when he wandered down the corridor the first time, fighting – and losing – to suppress an inappropriate stare.  
Despite there being ten cells, there were actually only three prisoners in his block. The first of them, in order how you passed them when walking down the aisle, was a man called Mitchell Rosenberg. He was bald and extremely ill-tempered, and Eddie had been advised never to provoke him. The second one was Leo Mikkelsen, a former psychiatrist and cannibal. In his case Eddie's predecessor had only said to always be polite and stay out of the way whenever Mikkelsen's not-boyfriend visited. That had certainly raised an eyebrow, but apart from that Eddie had refrained from asking for details. The third one was Merlin. Just Merlin, no last name. When Eddie inquired what exactly was going on there, he was informed that Merlin was part of the same group as his previous benefactor Harry Hart, the Kingsmen. What exactly the Kingsmen were supposed to have done was entirely above his paygrade – the rumour mill whispered of threats to national security and high treason – but they were considered so dangerous that each individual member was kept in a different wing of the prison. After having seen Hart's skills, Eddie had to agree that maybe the measure wasn't entirely over the top.

So, on his first day alone on the shift he knew nothing better than to make a bald joke to Merlin's face.

"Is bald the new black?" he asked casually and indicated his head into Rosenberg's direction before sliding Merlin's food tray through the narrow slot. The tall man didn't react as he took the tray from him, but there was an obvious twitch at his left eye. Eddie whistled a little song while he walked back the aisle, feeling the man's heated stare boring into his back.

The next day he kept up the cheerful performance. "It suits you well, you know," he offered. "But if it's really a villain fashion thing, you should probably consider a warmer place than this for your base of operations."

Merlin snorted. "You're a cheeky thing, aren't you," he said in the best Scottish brogue.  
Eddie's face lit up. "So you have an identity after all, ha! And there I thought you were one of these Q hacker types that are so deeply anonymous that there is absolutely nothing left of their personality."

Merlin took a step closer to the transparent wall. Up close he was quite the looming presence. Eddie felt his heart beat increase a little bit, but that didn't keep him from sizing the man up.

"Come in here and I'll show you my personality."

The ambiguous threat made the skin of Eddie's neck prickle. He demonstratively shook his head and tsked. "You'll have to try harder than that." As if in thought he touched his keycard, pulling it out a little bit on its extendable strap. Merlin's eyes followed the movement keenly.  
"I heard you know Harry Hart," Eddie said almost absently, making it appear like a mere afterthought. "He saved my life, you know. It's what got me here." He let the card snap back.

Merlin, to his credit, didn't flinch. Quite leisurely his gaze travelled back up to Eddie's face. He seemed to be assessing him now, as if this was the first time he was truly looking at him.  
"I see. So, the little blackout that unleashed the west wing is back under control, I assume."  
Eddie nodded. He took in Merlin's appearance too. The man displayed, despite the prison jumpsuit, an extremely upright posture. With his hands behind his back he looked more like some kind of military drill instructor than a prison inmate.

"And Hart's back in his cell?"  
Eddie shrugged. "I'd think so."  
"Not exactly a nice reward for his efforts, is it?" Merlin's tone had stayed the same on the surface, but lying underneath was something predatory. It made Eddie feel a bit hot.  
"I said thank you," he retorted in mock innocence and made sure to give the other man a well-timed look through his eyelashes. Merlin snorted and shook his head. "I'm sure Harry loved it." He stepped back to his bunk and settled down on it.  
  
Eddie took an involuntary step closer to the transparent barrier. He splayed his hand against it. "I'm quite willing to show my gratitude. After all, you're one of these Kingsmen too, aren’t you?"  
"It's Kingsman, singular." Merlin had his arms folded over his chest and was leaning back against the wall. His demeanour was unimpressed, but his eyes hadn't left Eddie for a second, who in return was far too aware of that little fact. A smug smile clung to his lips.

"But you're like knights, aren't you? You have a code of honour. You wouldn't have let them hurt me either." He stated it with certainty. Merlin all the while kept his expression unreadable, until he finally sighed and ran a hand over his bald head. "I wouldn't have made such a peacockery out of it.

"That almost sounds as if you'd been there," Eddie teased.  
"I know Hart. He'd never let such an opportunity slip without making a fool out of himself."

Eddie chuckled. "But in the end you'd have helped me too."

Merlin didn't say anything to that. They just looked at each other for a moment, the tension between them palpable. Then Merlin got up again.

"Tell me, Mister…" his eyes travelled to the name tag on Eddie's chest, which was right above the keycard, "Un-wright. Are you a natural ginger?" Taken by surprise by the non-sequitur question Eddie shook his head, then huffed out a laugh. "Is this a Scottish pride thing or do you just want to know if the drapes match the carpet?"

Merlin's expression didn't give much away, still he leant in, his forehead almost touching the glass separating them. "I prefer my damsels in distress to be true in spirit and appearance. So if the carpet doesn't match, it really should be amended." He straightened again and finally broke the stoic façade by giving Eddie something that was bordering on a leer.

Eddie left the cell block in a bit of delirious state after that.

The next time he was prepared for it. Also, he'd made sure to choose a moment when Mikkelsen was away for his weekly visitation by a certain government employee, and Rosenberg was asleep – or at least pretending to be. So when he approached the last cell down the aisle, he felt he knew what to expect. Of course, he was wrong.

Merlin was on the cell floor doing press-ups. He'd got rid of his shirt and the skin of his back was glistening with sweat. But that wasn't the sole cause for Eddie's open-mouthed staring, no. It was the black ink decoration the inmate's back and upper-arms in intricate patterns. The tattoo continued over his shoulders and to the front, where it came together again over Merlin's, admittedly, well-defined chest.

Eddie's gaze was glued to the design. Even when the other man got up and took up a rather demonstrative position right in front of the glass, Eddie couldn't tear away his eyes.  
"One would assume inked inmates aren't such an unusual sight in a prison," he commented in a dry tone. Eddie looked up, a faint blush tinging his cheeks. "They aren't, but most tattoos are crude in comparison to what you have." Merlin chuckled while the blush on Eddie's cheeks only intensified. "Glad to hear someone has an appreciation for the art. But what else brings you here today, Mister Unwright?"

"You do know that this is my job, right?" he retorted meekly but still automatically tried to stand a little bit taller before the towering man. Merlin seemed amused by the display.  
"I'm pretty sure gawking at prisoners in a state of undress isn't part of your professional agenda."  
"I'm not gawking, I'm… admiring. And checking the state of security, of course."  
"Of course," Merlin deadpanned. "And are you satisfied with it?"

"Quite." He nodded and tapped the transparent barrier in front of him twice, "nothing could get you out of here, except for the access card, of course."  
"Of course."

Eddie threw a look over his shoulder and when he saw that they were still alone took a step to the right, purposefully shielding the prisoner from the security camera.  
"The blackout in the west wing was an unfortunate event, but thankfully restricted to that sector alone, as the prison operates on four separate power grids. If you, say, wanted to unlock all the cells in all the four wings at the same time, you'd need an _extremely skilled hacker_ to override the security system from an internal terminal."

Merlin didn't show any obvious reaction, but Eddie didn't need one. He knew he had the man's attention now. Casually he leant against the glass, back to playing with the keycard on his strap.  
"That brings me back to the conversation we had the other day."

Merlin cocked his head in interest.

"We talked about how you'd save me, if you'd been in Hart's shoes."

"Lad, we both know this isn't about me saving you. It's about what you'd offer in return." He'd come up to the spot right opposite of where Eddie's body touched the barrier. Without it, they would only have been about 15 centimetres apart.

Eddie shivered involuntarily, but it was the good kind of shiver, the very good. He turned towards Merlin. "I'll let you have a peek," he said and demonstratively put his hands on his belt buckle.  
"Oh?" Merlin's eyes travelled downwards. "So the carpet does match, after all."  
"Of course it does!" Eddie gave a challenging wink and started undoing the belt, then popped open the button. He only stopped when it came to sliding down the zipper. His gaze searched Merlin's. Despite the stoic exterior the other man had put his hands against the glass now. The spot right in front of his nostrils was even a bit fogged up. Eddie released the breath he'd been holding and pulled down the zipper.

The sound seemed to echo through the empty corridor and was quickly followed by the rustling of fabric. Eddie shoved his trousers down rather unceremoniously, but when the moment to reveal what was hiding underneath his white briefs came, his movements turned deliberately languid. Teasingly, Eddie let his finger trail his pants' elastic. He hooked one finger under the band and pulled a little, then let it snap back before it could fully expose the colour of the hair underneath.

From the other side of the wall a frustrated huff could be heard. "So, that's it? All talk but no action?" Merlin's face now betrayed clear signs of arousal. He was watching Eddie like a hawk, a rather impatient one at that. It only made Eddie grin more wickedly. He pushed himself off from the wall and stood directly opposite of the other man. With his arms akimbo, a self-satisfied expression on his face and an obvious bulge in his pants, Eddie pretty much felt like he had it all under control. "You think so? Then you should try saying please."  
  
Merlin snorted and folded the arms over his chest. "You're not very consistent in your seduction, Unwright. This was supposed to be a reward, remember?"

Eddie shook his head. "Only a hypothetical reward, inmate. After all, you didn't really do anything, it was Harry Hart who saved me."

That must have been the wrong thing to say because Merlin narrowed his eyes. For a second it seemed as if the mood was ruined and Eddie, in a wave of frenzied panic, was already deliberating how he could salvage it, but then a smirk started tugging at the corners of Merlin's lips. He rubbed his chin. "So Hart didn't get a peek himself?"  
Eddie shook his head in mild confusion. It seemed to be the right answer though because Merlin, almost tenderly, laid his forehead against the cool glass and fixed the young guard with an intense look. Silently his lips formed the word "Please".

It took Eddie a moment to snap out of his own staring, too overwhelmed by the intimacy of the performance. With a shake of his head he reminded himself that he was the one who teased here! So he took a deep breath and shot Merlin a sweet smile in return.

It was quite the contrast to what his hands were doing, roaming over his hips and brushing against his own erection. Merlin's gaze was glued to his pelvic area, following the motions of Eddie's hands like a starving man. When he put them flat against his belly and then let glide downwards, under the hem of his briefs, the other man even licked his lips. Eddie felt triumph when his cock nestled in red pubic hair was finally out in the open because the look on Merlin's face was everything he'd hoped for.

"You should touch yourself, lad," the man said, his voice raspier now but not removing his gaze from Eddie's cock. Eddie swayed his hips a little. "You think so? What do I get in return then?"

Merlin finally looked up. "My, aren't we greedy. You're really no particularly giving damsel in distress."

Eddie took a deep and very played up breath before he, once again, leant in. His eyes, all provocative challenge, travelled down to his own cock, then he breathed, "I'm really not a damsel. You should have noticed that by now."  
"Yes, I noticed. Now undo that shirt and tie too, and start touching yourself. And maybe I'll let you see something in return." The tone was commanding, yet with a hint of urgency lying underneath. Satisfied, Eddie smiled. He began loosening the tie in a slow but deliberate manner, all the while keeping his eyes on the man opposite the wall.

Merlin, already topless, wiped his hands over his bald head. It made the muscles of his torso bulge in all the right ways. He grinned. Then he started undoing the knot of his jumpsuit that was tied around his waist. Eddie watched, mesmerized, and almost forgot that he had to uphold his end of the bargain as well.

"Lad," Merlin chided and threw him a look. "Undo your buttons, now."

Eddie complied, but not before teasingly throwing the tie against the glass wall. Merlin shook his head yet still proceeded to slide out of the legs of his jumpsuit. He only wore briefs now, which made for quite the erotic picture. Eddie watched Merlin watching him. With his trousers still around his ankles and his shirt loose and open the picture of himself was probably quite a debauched one.  
Once again Eddie splayed his hands against the cool glass. Only this time he pressed his crotch against it too. He rubbed his leaking cock against the surface, leaving white streaks in its wake. In front of his mouth the glass was fogging up.

"That's more like it," he heard Merlin whisper, who had put his own hands right above Eddie's on his side of the glass. They were so close but couldn't touch, it made Eddie whine in frustration and gyrate his hips some more. "Please," he begged and looked to Merlin's white briefs.

The other man chuckled but eventually gave in and removed this last piece of clothing. What greeted Eddie though was nothing but a surprise. His eyes widened before he threw Merlin a delighted grin. "Neither carpet nor drapes! That's really something, mate! Besides," Eddie sunk to his knees and wiggled his eyebrows, "it makes your cock look huge. I'd so blow you, if I could."

Merlin wrapped his hand around his cock and gave it unhurried stroke. "Then come in here and show me what you got."  
Eddie shook his head. Still on his knees, his expression while he looked up was bordering on pouting. "Can't do, guv. Can't do." He chewed on his lower lip, but still started to squeeze his own cock. His eyes followed the sped-up movements of Merlin's hand, who gave a little groan all the while.

They regarded each other, hot and panting, but it wasn't quite enough yet. Eddie's mouth hung open and he used his other hand to finger himself.

"You're quite a tart, aren't you?"  
"Only for hot stuff like you," Eddie gasped and threw a slightly breathless wink after, just for good measure.

The jerks came faster after that, on both sides. Eddie groaned and finally came all over the glass wall. Merlin quickly followed suit. Still kneeling on the hard floor Eddie dazedly observed a rivulet of semen running down the pane. He felt good, spent. But there was also an annoying a little voice at the back of his head that whispered what a mess he'd just made. He struggled to his feet.

On the other side, Merlin lounged against the wall. There was a rather satisfied smirk on his face, and despite his flagging cock still hanging out of his briefs he couldn't have looked more accomplished.

"Next time bring lube," he said while Eddie pulled up his trousers. The guard stiffened and blushed. But it wasn't so much the remark as the sight of the smears that were still on both sides of the glass. He couldn't do anything about Merlin's part, but he'd most certainly have to clean his side up. Coming down from the endorphin high had the unpleasant consequence that he started to think about little facts such as the end of his shift and that the next guard would see the evidence of his little transgression.

He looked around – the pleasant afterglow evaporating all too quickly - and searched for something he could wipe the pane with. But the only thing he could come up with on such short notice was his own white shirt. His finger tested the fabric. On the white the stains wouldn't be so visible, but he still hesitated. Only when he saw Merlin's provokingly raised eyebrow, he decided to shrug out of the shirt and just do it. He wouldn't have to wear for long after.

So he wiped the glass as well as he could. To his great embarrassment though there were even some spatters over the food slot; he really didn't know how he'd accomplished that. Eddie cleaned them but without making eye contact with Merlin again, then slipped his now rather crinkly shirt back on. He only vaguely inclined his head towards the inmate and eventually decided to make a rather hasty retreat.

While he walked down the aisle so hurriedly though, it was barely noticeable that the keycard, which had been attached to the left breast pocket of his shirt, was now missing.

* * *

 

Eggsy stared at the blank document on his screen. It wasn't as if he had a lot of shame left, but the memory of the prison extraction mission made even him blush a little. And finding the appropriate words to put into his report was really something he would have preferred to leave to somebody else… ideally the crazy handlers, who had come up with the Eddie alias to begin with. He snorted.

After the governmentally sanctioned raid on HQ that landed Arthur, Merlin, the two senior agents Percival and Bors, and half the support staff behind bars, it turned out that the remaining tech minions were maybe not as competent as one was used to. Or maybe it was just the heightened pressure situation in their makeshift HQ that lowered the general quality of this alias' backstory. But more likely was that they were all just geeks with no hobbies, and when Merlin wasn't around to breathe down their necks they seriously thought that giving him an escape plan that could have been straight out of some 70ies porno was a good idea!

Seriously! The extraction missions title had seriously been "Eddie, the infatuated prison guard", what the flying fuck?! Maybe he found it a tiny bit understandable now why Merlin had no hair.

Posing as a guard and slipping Merlin the intel and keycard was in itself harmless and what could be expected from a prison extraction. Doing it, however, in a way that didn't irrefutably compromise his alias was something else. It didn't help that the plan had originally been designed for Arthur to be the target of Eddie's affections, and as such to get Harry out first. They had changed it spontaneously when Mordred noticed that they couldn't get into the prison security system from outside the facilities, but still needed someone with more advanced hacking skills than Galahad or Arthur. So Eddie had been relocated to the north wing, only that seducing Merlin with no previous backstory made barely any sense at all (outside the realm of porn, of course). Naturally, Eddie got fired in the end.

Eggsy felt like massaging his forehead. He was kind of surprised Merlin had played along with the scheme at all. Normally, the man hated botch jobs. But then, he got to see Eggsy with dyed pubic hair. Something Harry would have to contend himself with only ever hearing about. Eggsy was quite thankful the security camera had always been in his back and there was no actual photographic proof of his little cosmetic experiment. Merlin would have to draw from the memory alone – not that that kept him from reminding Eggsy on a regular basis – but Eddie, the infatuated prison guard, would have to go blond from now on. Even though Harry had expressed interest in seeing more from him too. Well, he still had the hat. And he was going to give up on this report now and instead report to Arthur directly… and orally, of course.

 

The end


End file.
